Parenting Through the Holidays

Many Friend of the Courts across Michigan have historically generated a standard Holiday Parenting Time Schedule. This schedule may differ from County to County based upon traditions and other factors that may be geographically specific. For instance, Wayne and Macomb Counties have long published a “standard” schedule on their respective Friend of the Court websites that many practitioners will “copy paste” into a Judgment of Divorce, Custody, or Separate Maintenance.  

Most holiday parenting time schedules as a general rule supersede normal parenting time based upon the historic importance these events have within the family structure. This means that the normal parenting schedule is superceded during the holidays by the holiday parenting schedule. Sometimes, parents see this as disruptive to the normal family routine.

Friend of the Court’s from across the State of Michigan have expanded their guidance on Holiday Parenting Time in recent years. Macomb County has most recently updated their parenting time schedule in 2019. There is no longer just one schedule but multiple schedules that take into consideration the fact that one size definitely does not fit all. In other cases, attorneys and parties may modify what they consider to be a standard parenting time schedule for the specific needs of a particular family.

When preparing a holiday parenting time schedule here are some considerations:

• Cultural or Family Holiday Traditions

One size does not fit all situations especially in the increasingly diverse melting pot that is Metro Detroit. As an example, you may have a couple they are both of East Indian descent and may practice completely different religions. One parent may be Roman Catholic while the other parent is Hindu. For that family, the secular celebration of Christmas may or may not be important to them. The parent that is a practicing Roman Catholic might find it extremely important to them to have the actual Christmas Holidays in exchange for the other parent receiving the Hindu holidays to spend with the children. Parties should keep a keen eye towards actually crafting a holiday schedule that serves that family to the best level that it can.

• Geographical Distances Between the Parties

Another consideration when crafting a holiday parenting time schedule are the geographical situations of the parties. A “standard” holiday schedule might serve families that still reside in the same city.  Some “standard” scheduled have parenting time start at the start of the school break and a parenting time exchange would occur on Christmas Day so the other parent would have time from Christmas Day until the Winter Break ends. That same schedule might not necessarily work for a mother that lives in Clinton Township, Michigan and a father that lives in San Francisco, California.  In that situation, a parenting time exchange on Christmas Day may be impossibly burdensome for the minor children that are under the auspices of a defined parenting time order. A schedule that might work better in that the parties alternate the entire Winter Break in an odd even year rotation.

Tips and best practices for those implementing a Holiday Parenting Time Schedule:

• Plan Ahead, Communicate Often and Early with Your Ex

Discuss your holiday parenting time schedule well in advance so that there are no snafus or last-minute conflicts ensuring both parents know the details of drop off’s locations and times.  For example, one family might be having dinner with their family early Christmas Eve or attending Midnight Christmas Mass which is an important tradition for that family. The parties should communicate about inclement weather if that is a factor as well in exercising that holiday parenting time schedule. This reduces stress when possible and eliminates many last-minute surprises. Another tip that our firm gives to its clients is that you should try to coordinate gifts and traditions. To prevent overlap or competition talk about gift ideas in advance or consider starting new traditions post separation to make the holidays special without comparison.

Another piece of good advice is to have an “Elevator Speech” when kids say. “I wish we were all together” Something like “I know holidays can feel different now that mom and dad are not living together. But we both love you so much and you get two Thanksgiving dinners this year—that’s is pretty great” Repeat it to yourself, so it’s at the ready if asked difficult questions around the holidays.

Deviating from Court Ordered Parenting Time

Changing up holiday parenting time schedules happens in reality.  Advice that the attorney should be giving to their client in the event that there is a last-minute change up include:

1. Be Flexible and Willing to Compromise: Holidays are not an all or nothing proposition. Sometimes consider swapping holiday parenting time if there is a special event that the children cannot miss.  Additionally, it’s important to consider that the holiday season also coincides with cold and flue season. It’s important to be flexible when unexpected illnesses occur, parents should try to compromise and not use the children in tug of war.
2. Keep the children’s needs paramount: Prioritize their happiness and stability by avoiding disparaging or negative comment about the other parents’ family. Encourage the children to enjoy their time without the feeling of guilt or FOMO “Fear of Missing Out” Don’t let your children feel like the must carry the burden of making the holidays special for the parent.
3. Create a Shared Parenting Time Calendar: Use Tools like AppClose or OurFamilyWizard to create calendars to track the holiday parenting time schedule and any special events to make sure that both parents are on the same page.  There might be a special dinner, parade, or tradition that the other parent doesn’t want to miss.

Some of these tips and best practices help parties avoid having to seek last minute legal advice from their lawyer during the holiday season and set the families up to have an enjoyable experience instead of one filled with acrimony and stress for the entire family.

We Can Help

If you or a family member need advice on how best to navigate the family court system, contact our law firm to schedule a free in-person consultation. We have vast experience navigating through the family courts during the holidays.

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